Planning a proposal or just had your partner pop the question? It’s understandable to be curious about traditional engagement announcement etiquette in case you want to shout it to the rooftops (or keep it on the DL, if that’s more your style). Whether you want to spread the news with just your family or the entire world who can access your social media profiles, there’s some general protocol to follow if you want to be respectful to the important people in your life.
Of course, etiquette rules in the digital age are always up for argument. You may wonder what even is “traditional” these days? It seems as if modern couples approach engagements more so with intentionality. According to a Zola study, most couples not only discuss rings with their partners, but even shop for them together. Some to-be-weds are even beginning wedding planning ahead of an actual engagement.
Engagement etiquette has evolved, and to answer all your post-proposal questions, we’ve enlisted the insights of William Hanson, a London-based etiquette expert and the executive director of The English Manner.
How Long to Wait Before Announcing an Engagement
Someone got down on one knee, pulled out a ring, and the other person said, “Yes!” After you get in a celebratory kiss, it’s totally fine to pull out your phone to spread the big news. However, it’s best to consider exactly how you share your newly engaged status.
Who Gets to Know First?
Before sharing with your social circles, proper etiquette dictates that family members should be the first to know. “You need to tell parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and first cousins before posting anything,” Hanson says, adding that immediate family and in-laws should never find out via the Internet. Recognizing that family dynamics and cultural rituals vary, begin by telling those you hold dear as family—whatever that may mean to you.
If you can connect in person quickly, Hanson advises getting together with your parents to share the news. “This depends on where you live, but I would be making the call to invite them to visit for the weekend and share the news then,” he says. “You’re only going to tell them once in your life, after all.” Best case scenario? The proposer may have your close family and friends join for a surprise engagement party right after the proposal so you can tell everyone in person.
Should You Announce Publicly or Privately?
As mentioned above, a general rule of thumb should be to first privately announce the news to your family and closest friends. From there, deciding your engagement announcement timing is up to you. You can make a public post all about it on your Instagram page, keep it to your close friends story, or just tell people you want to know directly.
How Much Should You Reveal on Social Media?
While an announcement in the paper used to be de rigueur, these days we’ve mostly gone digital. “With milestone events like this, you’re going to talk about yourself,” says Hanson. “Anything you would show friends in real life, you can post online.”
Sharing your engagement news on social media is now the standard, and with the surge in diverse formats like Instagram reels, slideshows, and TikTok videos, these announcements have become elaborate social media affairs, moving beyond the customary single Instagram post. “Etiquette evolves, but there are still considerations when posting an engagement on Instagram,” says Hanson, and ultimately, “anything you share on social media is a form of showing off.”
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