‘Euphoria’: 50 Thoughts I Had About the Season 3 Finale

Well, team, we’ve officially reached the Season 3 finale of Euphoria. Recapping this show has been an odd thing (joyful in that I simply love watching television, strange in that Sam Levinson really did not do his big one with this season), but I’ve been excited to finally find out who lives and who joins Nate in the afterlife. Let’s dive in, shall we?

Below, find absolutely every spoiler-y thought I had while watching Season 3, Episode 8 of Euphoria:

1. Sorry, this episode is an hour and forty-five minutes long?
2. I need to walk my dog, Mr. Levinson!
3. So much gun violence, so little time.
4. Well, actually, as previously mentioned, we have a lot of time.
5. Is Rue literally getting lassoed right now?
6. Oh, Maddy 🙁
7. Somehow, Cassie’s clear undoing isn’t moving me quite as much, even though she just saw her husband get Cleopatra-ed (a.k.a. killed by a snake).
8. Messy-haired, traumatized girls comforting each other in a diner…many such cases.
9. I hate Alamo, but Rue could use a bath with some Epsom salts.
10. Indeed, I just took one, and it was magnificent.
11. I don’t know if God and pills are a great combination, Rue.
12. How is this episode both boring me and stressing me out?
13. “Pork chops and pussy” are not words I particularly needed to hear in the same sentence.
14. Oh, Faye 🙁
15. Oh, basically every female character on this show 🙁
16. Wait, it’s the 2024 election in Euphoria-world?
17. And Fez is alive and out of prison?
18. RIP Angus Cloud!
19. Little Rue! Little Jules! I’m sad.
20. Bro, I did not expect to be crying like this only halfway through this wildly mid season’s finale.
21. This is all so dark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
22. !!!!!!
23. !
24. I cannot watch Jules cry without crying myself.
25. I mean, I already was, but still.
26. Ugh, is this the man who wrapped her in plastic?
27. What the hell is Cassie even talking about?
28. Ugh, this wallpaper.
29. If anything bad happens to this little white dog, I will freak out, and I’m not just saying that because my little white dog is watching.
30. Well, I can’t say that he’s locked in on this finale, but he’s in the room.
31. “So there’s a new Bible?”
32. LOL.
33. Lexi’s huge brown tie is wild, but I think I like it.
34. Ditto the brown lipstick.
35. Hearing Rue referred to in the past tense…woof.
36. Hugely important use of body glitter going on at the Silver Slipper.
37. Is this Nate’s killer snake?!?
38. Or, like…a different snake?
39. Not the little white dog at the club!
40. Can’t say that I love whatever the hell is going on between Maddy and Alamo.
41. How old is this man?!?
42. Shootout! at the Strip Club!
43. Tarantino levels of blood and gore going on here (derogatory).
44. Hey, it’s the homestead!
45. Ali claiming Rue as his daughter…I could cry.
46. …again.
47. Am I allowed to say I’m kind of glad this show is over?
48. I mean, it definitely is, right?
49. Like, we’re not going to get a surprise Season 4 about Ali and the homesteaders?
50. Time will tell, I guess!