38 Thoughts I Had While Watching ‘Emily in Paris’ Season 5, Episode 1

If I’m being completely honest, I have not watched the hit Netflix series Emily in Paris since she was, well…still in Paris. The show has since taken Emily to Rome, and while I do feel that she wants what Mavis Beaumont from Season 2 of Survival of the Thickest has, I was eager to catch up on her European exploits and find out what’s up with her fatphobic boss and all those hot guys she’s always trying to choose between. So let’s dive in, shall we?

1. Throw those shutters open with no regard for cliché, girl! Yes!
2. And let that hot man hug you from behind!
3. What is this wintergreen-striped shorts-and-blazer ensemble Emily is wearing?
4. Props on the bob, but again, I feel she has a craving for Belly Conklin’s Parisian nachos.
5. Taking the bus in Rome…I’ve done it, and I wouldn’t recommend it.
6. Then again, I tripped and fell out the back door of the B38 in Brooklyn just the other day, so maybe I’m simply not good at navigating bus transportation, no matter what city I’m in.
7. LOL at “Bavazza,” the Italian coffee company that is definitely not Lavazza by any means.
8. Okay, gay subplot!
9. That includes D&G leopard underwear!
10. Aw, I’m glad Mindy is getting her own storyline.
11. And city (Shanghai).
12. And insane outfit to boot! That little newsboy cap!
13. LOL at “Baby’s Day.”
14. Isn’t every day already Baby’s Day?
15. Or am I just a bitter, childless hag?
16. Americans really do have “so many rules.”
17. I really need to re-up my French Duolingo, because I have no idea what these people are saying.
18. Girl, you did not need to bring up your ex.
19. I want an Italian truffle dinner!
20. “Difficult women are my specialty.” Same.
21. Oh, shit, they’re hunting for the truffles?
22. I would not like that either, in fairness to Emily.
23. Especially in stilettos! To quote Joanne from Rent: “You should try it in heels.”
24. God, these Italian sisters are mean!
25. This Italian mom is very much serving Patti Lupone-lite.
26. How do I recreate this pots-and-pans wall decor in my tiny studio kitchen?
27. Hey! It’s Minnie Driver!
28. Playing an Italian princess?
29. Or…a British princess in Rome?
30. I need to find a way to work the line “Tell that to my palazzo, darling” into casual conversation.
31. Is Minnie’s stole made of gemelli pasta?
32. Ooh, Emily’s French is getting better!
33. But what of her Italian?
34. I very much just misheard the European pronunciation of “bottles” as “buttholes.”
35. I would like to be a regular viewer of Chinese Popstar.
36. We lurv a new flame for Mindy!
37. Minnie’s “Italia is Love” shirt…………I need it.
38. Well, that was kind of fun!