You know how I claimed I’d evolved past the need to soak up the bummer-y, ever-present drama of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives? Well, it turns out that’s not quite true. In my defense, I’m going through a breakup and moving homes, and the only thing that’s soothed me as I get used to sleeping alone in a new apartment is the sweet sound of bronde-hair-extensioned Mormon momfluencers in their alarmingly early 20s fighting with each other about the most inane things possible.
Luckily for me (and anyone else who can’t get enough MomTok mess), the show’s Season 3 reunion special is out now on Hulu. Below, find absolutely every thought I had about The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives cast reuniting.
- Hey, it’s Stassi!
- I’ve been watching this show for three seasons, and I’m still not good at matching the wives to their various unsettling husbands.
- The concept of Layla (oh, sweet Layla) looking “more like who you are” after a ton of plastic surgery is…nice, I guess?
- Oh, wow, we’re getting right into breastfeeding content.
- These men’s suits are giving me hives.
- Passive-aggressively calling another man “little guy” is as savage as it gets in the Mormon-bro world, I assume.
- Has Jen Affleck always looked this much like Haley from Modern Family?
- This at-home labor footage is making me furious about the ancient feminized pain of childbirth. Is that the intended effect?
- Did this child get named Lottie after Yellowjackets?
- Watching Jen cry is making me cry.
- You know what? I’m sure people are being snarky online about Jen being depressed upon learning she was pregnant with her daughter, but prenatal depression is, indeed, real and I think it’s cool of her to talk about it!
- “From breakups to makeups to a few massive shakeups…”
- Poetry by Stassi™.
- Obsessed with this Dunkin’ spon-con, TBH.
- Bro, why is Chase here?
- I always forget about Miranda, TBH.
- Mormon-friendly drinking game!
- And the secret word is: “Accountability”!
- I want to play this at my next queer anarchist meeting.
- Ooh, Whitney’s hair looks good.
- I love that the guys of DadTok are actually messier than the moms right now.
- The way that I am mentally swiping left on all these men…
- Granted, they probably wouldn’t be into me either!
- Layla going from brother to brother…iconic.
- Okay, talking about your marital intimacy issues on TV does seem wrenching.
- This is…upsetting, but good for these people for talking openly about their histories of sexual trauma!
- Listen, I went into this reunion expecting pure LOLs, but I’m genuinely moved, I fear.
- Okay, I don’t care about Marciano.
- Lie detector test?!?
- I forgot how messy Jen can be, TBH.
- Man, the bullying accusations are really flying.
- Stassi truly running this reunion like the navy!
- Oh, damn, who on earth is the guest they have to clear all the MomTok girlies for?
- “She saw you be flirty in the villa and so did all of us.” Never change, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives.
- Stassi talking about “tensions between MomTok and DadTok” like it’s an armed standoff in a conflict zone is making me laugh out loud.
- Never trust a man with a cleft chin. Did we learn nothing from Gone Girl?
- I really do hate Dakota, TBH.
- DRAMA!
- “This is not giving happy holidays.” Too true.
- Wow, a DadTok man giving a sincere and accepted apology? We love to see it (specifically because we hardly ever do!)
- Oof, Taylor’s parents being here is so extra.
- “She’s my kid, and you hurt my grandbaby.” Crying again!
- Love Taylor’s dad laying down the realness.
- And that’s a wrap! Woof.
#Thoughts #Watching #Secret #Lives #Mormon #Wives #Season #Reunion #Special
