“The Gorgeous Miss Piggy,” by Leo Lerman, was originally published in the March 1978 issue of Vogue.
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Watch out Barbra, Liza, Divine Miss M., Ann-Margret. Here’s Miss Piggy. Her game: world show-biz center stage take-over. “All these men,” she smolders, “they want me…” And women and children—they all want her to sing, dance quip, flip her glorious hair., and lust after hr unrequited passion, Kermit the Frog, on Jim Henson’s The Muppet Show: probably the most-viewed TV show in the world. They’re even bonkers about it in Iron Curtain Yugoslavia. When onscreen time in Britain was scheduled for early Friday evening (weekend shopping, pub, commuting), the populace near-rioted until it was switched to Sunday evening (everybody ‘round the “telly” and cheering). “I know,” murmurs Miss Piggy throatily, lowering her heavily lashed, lavender-painted eyelids coyly over her burning eyes and settling her snout demurely. “Thank you. But, after all, I’ve always believed that I was destined to become a superstar.”
Miss Piggy’s obviously lived a great deal, and although Kermit the Frog’s her “love of my life,” she’s had, reveals Frank Oz, “Well, not affairs but dalliances. When she recently danced, sang, and shared a steam bath with Rudolf Nureyev on a Muppet Show, she went bananas over him. She calls him ‘Rudi-baby.’ Well, she wouldn’t mind having a dalliance with him. Ringo Starr sent her roses. Elton John didn’t want to get involved with her, but he was really involved.”
In the onscreen-this-month TV-er Julie Andrews: One Step into Spring, Miss Piggy hogs the show. “I wouldn’t have minded so much,” says Miss A., “except that throughout the show Miss Piggy kept telling me I was singing flat.” “Well, she does go on forever with her songs,” says The Piggy, “and, frankly, she needed help. I merely offered to replace her.” Miss Piggy loves to help. Her advice to other girls: “I’m strong as an ox, but I’m not a relative. I do have a health regime, and the basis of it is: whatever exercises I can do on high heels. Beauty? I think I’m a natural blond, and I would suggest very strongly that you think so, too. My eyes are so beautiful—it’s a curse. My fashion advice? Wear what suits you. Luckily, everything suits me. I happen to be very fortunate. Everything I put on looks beautiful. But don’t ever try to look prettier than me—it’s futile.”
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