“Do you feel guilty for looking ‘normal’ while having stage four breast cancer?”
It’s the question Katie Thurston, former Bachelorette star, was queried on her Instagram channel Boobie Broadcast. She created the space after being diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in March, and it now has more than 60,000 members—survivors, thrivers, medical professionals, and supporters—talking openly about what it means to live with a disease that so often hides in plain sight.
Thurston’s response stopped me mid-scroll, mid-breath: “I’m tired all the time, my body aches continuously, my hair is thinning, my hormones are suppressed, my memory is shit, my vagina is dry, my hands and feet feel tight, I had to freeze my eggs so that I could maybe find a way to pay $100k for surrogacy just to have a baby, I am removing my breasts, and eventually my ovaries, but in the meantime, I get a shot every month in my ass while taking medication every day for the rest of my life. So no. I don’t feel guilty for looking normal. And I hope those of you who ‘look normal’ never feel guilty too.”
Her words felt like holding up a mirror to my own life. I, too, have metastatic breast cancer. I, too, look “normal.” And I, too, do not feel guilty.
Metastatic breast cancer—stage four, when cancer spreads beyond the breast to other parts of the body—is sometimes an invisible illness. You carry it quietly, like a secret, sometimes masked behind a smile. Time keeps ticking; you keep moving. The world doesn’t stop, and neither can you.
The diagnosis is devastating—defining, even—but life continues. “The first thing to remember,” says Devika Gajria, MD, a breast medical oncologist at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, “is that the experience varies greatly depending on the biology of the cancer itself.” For some, treatment means weekly chemotherapy; for others, monthly injections. And the course of treatment can change in an instant. No two journeys look the same, and as Dr. Gajria says, “One should never feel guilty for how well they’re doing in their journey.”
What is increasingly common is the number of young women receiving a stage four diagnosis. As of 2024, an estimated 200,000 women are living with metastatic breast cancer in the U.S., according to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation (BCRF). In recent years, women between the ages of 20 and 39 years have had the steepest rise in metastatic breast cancer diagnoses, up nearly 3 percent annually.
#Normal #Fighting #Metastatic #Breast #Cancer
