Key Takeaways
Who pays for a modern wedding in the modern era is no longer strictly based on tradition. Today, many couples, their parents, and family members split costs in ways that work best for both of their families’ finances.
Newly engaged? You’re probably ready to book a venue and buy a dream dress. But first, there’s one major question you have to address: who pays for the wedding? Determining your wedding budget is an essential first step in planning your celebration, but it’s important to understand who can contribute to the costs of the day. While weddings were often paid for by the couple’s parents in the past, the tides have changed.
“These days, anything goes when it comes to paying for a wedding. Engaged couples taking care of the finances is on the rise,” says Kylie Carlson, the CEO of the International Academy of Wedding & Event Planning. “At the same time, the tradition of the bride’s parents contributing is still very prevalent, especially in particular regions. With some weddings, costs are split between the couple and other members of the family. You’ll also run into scenarios where parents are divorced or remarried, and splitting the costs. Grandparents may chip in—it really does depend on each individual wedding.” When it comes to nuptials, it truly works on a case-by-case basis.
As you navigate your own wedding, budget, and cost-splitting, here are some things to keep in mind as you figure out who pays for what.
Who Traditionally Pays for the Wedding
According to traditional wedding etiquette, the bride’s family assumes most of the financial costs associated with a wedding, including the wedding planner, invitations, dress, ceremony, reception, flowers, photography, and music. “It’s harder to think about this now—and I am a feminist—but historically it has to do with the ancient practice of a bride’s family giving a dowry to the groom for assuming the ‘burden’ of a bride,” says Lizzie Post, co-president of the Emily Post Institute (and the great-great-granddaughter of Emily Post). The bride’s parents also traditionally hosted the engagement party.
The groom’s family traditionally paid for all costs associated with the rehearsal dinner and honeymoon, wedding day transportation, and the officiant. The groom also paid for the bride’s engagement ring, wedding ring, and groomsmen gifts. It is also common for the groom’s family to pay for the alcohol at the reception. Yet it’s important to remember this adage from Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette guide: “Traditions make weddings special, and a spending plan should be something that facilitates these traditions, not a burden to be held against an old and outdated standard.”
If certain family members are covering the majority of wedding costs, their contributions are traditionally noted on the invitations. “If the bride’s family is paying for the wedding, their name should come first and almost exclusively,” says Post. For example, the invitation would then begin with something like: “Dr. and Mrs. Arthur Smith request the honor of your presence at the wedding of their daughter Mary Ann to Everett Montgomery.” If both sets of parents are paying, you can opt for wording like: “Charles and Delaney Tout and Harold and Claudia Kohn invite you to celebrate with their children Amelia and Stephen.”
Ahead, we break down the traditional breakdown of wedding costs.
The bride pays for…
- The groom’s wedding ring
- Bridesmaids’ lunch or party
- Wedding party gifts
The bride’s family pays for…
- Invitations and announcements
- Wedding gown and accessories
- Floral arrangements and corsages
- Ceremony arrangements
- The reception party and vendors, like food
- Necessary transportation
- Wedding photographer and videographer
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