70 Thoughts I Had While Rewatching ‘Carol’

I could live to be 100 years old, and I don’t think I’d ever get tired of one of my most cherished Christmas rituals: rewatching Todd Haynes’s 2015 masterpiece Carol in the company of as many gay people as possible.

This year, however, I’m doing my Carol rewatch solo in the service of journalism, so I invite you to be my homosexual mishpochah as I catch up with Carol, Therese, and their fabulously forbidden 1950s-era New York lesbian affair:

1. “The Weinstein Company presents…” 🙁
2. Has the squealing of train brakes ever sounded so gay?
3. God, I’ll never forget watching this movie at Metrograph a few Christmases ago with seemingly every other lesbian and bisexual in New York.
4. Sandy Powell really snapped with these costumes.
5. Not to mention Phyllis Nagy with this screenplay!
6. Listen, random bro, Therese is busy lezzing out in an elegant and genteel ’60s manner. She doesn’t want to go to your random-bro party!
7. Oh, I guess maybe she does?
8. I know Therese’s single-girl apartment is supposed to be depressing, but I love it.
9. Imagining a Mad Men crossover in which Don Draper stumbles into Therese’s department store drunk to buy Sally a last-minute Christmas gift and gets mad because he’s found the one woman in New York who won’t sleep with him.
10. IT’S CAROL!
11. Looking hot as hell in her red cap and fur!
12. I love how forlorn-looking Therese’s little Santa hat is.
13. “I wonder if you might help me find this doll for my daughter.” Whatever you want, Carol! As you wish, Carol!
14. A train set is a likely thing for a lesbian child to want for Christmas, TBH.
15. I mean, I personally wanted dolls, but then again, I’ve never really been a she/they in STEM.
16. Who loves wrapping presents?
17. The “Mommy’s Baby” doll display behind Therese as she talks to Carol…art of the highest order.
18. “I like the hat.” LOL.
19. I wish meeting women was still as easy as leaving your gloves behind at their workplace.
20. Please only ever describe me as a “movie jerk.”
21. That would actually be a really good Letterboxd handle.
22. Hey, it’s that square-jawed guy from Obvious Child!
23. Ah, to be a straight, white man in the 1950s, drunk on the street and arguing about HUAC.
24. Not Carol’s daughter Rindy having the same haircut as Therese!
25. The human psyche is fascinating.
26. Why is everyone at this department store so mean?
27. Well, to be fair, I suppose Christmas is a hard time of year for retail workers, particularly in the ’50s, when you basically earned a penny and a cig for a day’s work.
28. “Creamed spinach, poached eggs, and a dry martini with olives” is an order I desperately need to place in a dark restaurant ASAP.
29. Ideally with a beautiful MILF across the table from me.
30. Wait just a second…have I officially aged out of my Therese era and into Carol territory?
31. I’m 32! It’s too soon!
32. Not Carol basically saying “can u host”!
33. Sunday is the most lesbian day of the week, fight me.
34. “What a strange girl you are. Flung out of space.” I’m dying!
35. SARAH PAULSON TIME!
36. Two mid-century dykes in kerchiefs, driving freely through the city…ah, to be part of it all.
37. Harge’s mother looks good, I must say.
38. Everybody leave your repressive ’50s husband NOW!!!!!!!!!
39. What is this man’s job at the New York Times, exactly?
40. Shut up, Harge!
41. Why is this other child giving Carol the stinkeye?
42. Ah, the classic Christmas sounds of sexy piano.
43. “Invite me round.” Exactly!!!
44. I am the president of the Harge Hater Society.
45. Were people really named Jennifer in the 1890s, or whenever Grandma Jennifer was born?
46. “You married a woman like me.” Get him, Carol.
47. I simply adore Therese’s little knit pom-pom cap.
48. Oh hell yeah, we love a casual ’50s-lesbian cruise.
49. I badly want to meet the redhead Abby has her eye on who owns a steakhouse in Paramus.
50. “I’m talking serious Rita Hayworth redhead.” LOL.
51. Lesbian road trip sequence!
52. Abby not taking Harge’s bullshit is an extreme vibe.
53. Why are men always around when you least want them?
54. This is a great reminder to never tolerate men’s boring, bland civilities, especially not mid-steamy-queer-affair.
55. How do I get my hands on this pristine white three-piece luggage set?
56. Wait, have they not had sex prior to this?
57. Oh, it’s so on.
58. Ugh, I hate this part.
59. A fling might be fun, but when the chips are down, all you ever really want is to call your queer bestie for help.
60. Remember this for next time, Carol!
61. Obsessed with the not-quite-rapport between Abby and Therese.
62. Yes, Therese! Paint that apartment! Work for the NYT! Get your life!
63. Now I’m badly craving red wine and mashed potatoes at 9:57 a.m.
64. I love to see Carol fighting for herself!
65. In court, no less!
66. Or in arbitration, anyway!
67. “What use am I to her, to us, if I’m living against my own grain?” Hell yeah.
68. Look at Therese’s cute little working-girl haircut and suit!
69. How does one resist the temptation to go live with Cate Blanchett?
70. God, what a perfect movie.