70 Thoughts I Had About Episode 6 of ‘Love Story: John F. Kennedy Jr. & Carolyn Bessette’

It’s wedding day, fam! Or “wedding episode,” anyway; on this week’s installment of Love Story, JFK Jr. and Carolyn Bessette finally get hitched.

Although I happen to think minimalism is deeply underrated when it comes to wedding dresses (when my time comes, I plan to tie the knot in some sort of voluminous, Kika Vargas-ish monstrosity), there’s no question that CBK’s Narciso Rodriguez-designed nuptial look was one of the greatest of all time. Let’s see how the show interpreted it, shall we?

Below, find quite literally every thought I had about Season 1, Episode 6 of Love Story:

1. Damn, I forgot the whole “Battery Park” fight was filmed by reporters.
2. Ethel Kennedy’s not loving this!
3. God forbid a bitch be a little bit Italian and volatile.
4. I feel so deeply for Carolyn, as someone who’s been trying to please mean, older blonde women since I was a small child (hi, Mom!).
5. Aw, Ethel’s being kind of nice.
6. Only CBK could make this Steve Jobs turtleneck cool.
7. God, not even for a man as hot as JFK Jr. (or Paul Anthony Kelly, for that matter) could you convince me to submit myself to the world’s scrutiny at this level.
8. “Carolyn, these men, they will break your heart.” You can’t say she wasn’t warned, I guess?
9. I feel like being screamed at by your girlfriend in a park isn’t that bad, in the grand scheme of Kennedy scandals?
10. LMFAO at Caroline chugging her inch of red wine upon learning that John and Carolyn are engaged.
11. That’s one way to say mazel tov!
12. John and Carolyn splitting a joint and a bagel… couple goals.
13. Or is that just a poorly rolled cigarette? Sorry, I’m washed.
14. It’s so psychotic how beautiful Sarah Pidgeon is, all the more so in her man’s sweatshirt and with unwashed hair.
15. LOL at John’s description of Ed Schlossberg on his wedding day: “He looks like David Byrne, but also someone who’s never heard of David Byrne.”
16. This, in a nutshell, is the essence of John’s hotness: he is addicted to saying yes to Carolyn and letting her run him like a Forbes 500 company.
17. Getting contact hives at the thought of limiting a wedding guest list to 40 people, and I’m not even a Kennedy.
18. If any straight men are reading this (unlikely): Let your fiancée plan your entire wedding while also appearing to be interested and helpful, and you will have a long and happy marriage.
19. Yes, Carolyn! Down with the wedding-brunch industrial complex! None of my married friends have even made it to theirs, because they’re always too hungover!
20. Oh my God, the stunning charm of Pidgeon in this fun little “which ex did you go to Cumberland Island with?” bit.
21. She’s clearly still salty about Daryl, though.
22. Oh, these fucking nerds just dancing around together!
23. This, to be fair, is also why John was hot (a real case of “I let him hit ’cause he’s goofy” syndrome).
24. Uninviting the Lee Radziwill? Cold as hell!
25. God, Michael is such a loser.
26. I mean, yes, John is very much locked in on planning his wedding in their workplace, but when the boss is distracted, the workers shall play!
27. I’m really going to need Caroline to play ball a little bit re: Carolyn and the wedding.
28. Did Ed Schlossberg invent urban foraging?
29. It is kind of fucked to weigh in this hard on your brother’s wedding, IMO. Let Carolyn do something rustic!
30. “I’m lucky that Mummy’s too dead to come to my wedding?” Oof.
31. Every Catholic clan needs one silly-ass Jew (Ed) to lighten the mood. Granted, my family is mostly Jews with the odd Catholic in the mix, but the principle stands.
32. Carolyn and Lauren doing TV aerobics is so charmingly ’90s.
33. Girl, don’t make Caroline your maid of honor! As Lauren correctly says: “This will mean nothing to her, and it would have meant everything to me.”
34. Sydney Lemmon is really slaying this role, which is nice, because Lauren Bessette’s death was also a huge fucking tragedy.
35. Aw, Carolyn’s will-you-be-my-maid-of-honor speech to Caroline is actually insanely sweet.
36. Calvin, girl, ease up about the dress!
37. Hair color shift mentioned!
38. And Carolyn’s quitting?
39. Okay, fine, tough day for Calv.
40. “From one who considers himself a visionary…”
41. What a tool.
42. Actually, I guess he’s being vulnerable and I’m being a bitch.
43. Oh, and he had sketches for Carolyn’s dress in a drawer all along! Sob.
44. The music supervision on this show is really kind of a consistent slay.
45. Need to ride a wild horse in Georgia ASAP.
46. This wedding-eve note from John to Carolyn is so cutie 🙂
47. Somewhat less cutie is Carolyn’s mom’s apprehension about this wedding.
48. Can’t really blame her, though!
49. “I see you making your life smaller.”
50. Ugh, tea.
51. I love that Carolyn’s mom’s response to Carolyn saying John isn’t interested in politics is basically, “Girl, wake up.”
52. Never forget that this POLITICS + FASHION = PASSION thing was real!
53. Oh, Carolyn’s mom, pack it up.
54. You got your chance to warn your daughter! You don’t need to do it again in a damn speech!
55. If there were ever a moment to be smoking a cig……..and yet, Carolyn’s on the beach cig-less? I don’t buy it.
56. “I’m going to be your wife forever” made me cry a little bit, because “forever” was not long enough for John and Carolyn.
57. Absolutely perfect Nina Simone needle drop.
58. I know sleeping on the beach (post-sex, presumably) is supposed to be hot and romantic, but my God, wouldn’t sand just embed in your scalp? And everywhere else?
59. Now, this wedding-day skinny-dipping scene, on the other hand, is hot and romantic.
60. I am looking respectfully at Kelly’s ass.
61. All this drama about the delay. Weddings run late! Whatever! There’re, like, nine people there!
62. The complete absence of Carole Radziwill at this wedding…Ryan Murphy really said “I’d rather not get sued today, thanks all the same.”
63. Carolyn smoking in the tub with her sunglasses on is proper diva representation.
64. As is Lauren soft-forgiving her but refusing to share her Champagne.
65. The candlelit walk down the aisle…I’m dying!
66. Aw, even Carolyn’s famously pissed-off family looks happy at how sweet these two are on the dance floor.
67. “Everything ends.” “Not us.”
68. Oh, girl, I am sobbing.
69. Like, my dog just put his little paw on me in his version of a wellness check.
70. Sorry to be gauche and link to my own tweet, but: